Breaking My Silence On The Man Who Raped Me Has Taught Me To Bring Awareness to Sexual Assault in my Community – Jenay Wright

I am ready to heal. Are you ready to heal with me? In 2016, I came home from school, happier than ever and so proud of myself for graduating and finishing my degree. I made myself and my family so very happy. I reconnected with some old friends and spent the summer of 2016 literally outside before the world even knew what outside meant. I took part in drinking, partying, and having a blast because that’s what I wanted to do just let loose.

 Unfortunately, in the midst of me living this lifestyle, I wasn’t ready for it, a part of my life shifted when I experienced rape. Sexual Assault and the precautions to take were never really talked about but it was pushed under the rug. Sexual harassment was all I saw growing up in schools, young girls getting their private areas touched and the boys thinking it’s funny or it’s okay to do so. 

I myself have experienced that and wasn’t very fond or comfortable with the outcome but unfortunately, it was normalized. It was okay, it was validated. We learned algebra and global history but we didn’t have classes or seminars on sexual harassment and sexual abuse. It was more important for kids to be on the honor roll and get A’s & B’s but it wasn’t imperative enough to enforce regulations and rules amongst sexual assault in schools.

There are so many crises going on in the homes of students, in educational institutions, and sometimes even within families. Rape is not okay and I no longer want to sit and act like if I had learned a little bit more and how important my voice was I would have been able to feel educated and strong enough to speak up about my rape. But you know, I was given a divine talent and that was to tell my story so I will. Trigger warning ⛔️ 

It was a normal club night in Washington Heights and I went out with my girlfriends. One I’ve known for years and the other just met. It was the night of my life ( literally). I was getting male attention from Dominican guys which isn’t something I was used to at all! Because I wasn’t their ideal type, but hey it made me feel good and I felt like I shined that night. After a few hours, the guy and his brother bought bottles, at 21 that for me was everything.

 My best friend at the time was ready to leave with her partner and she asked me if I was ready to go and I said no I refused to leave. She said you’re coming home with me and I said no I’m actually not I’m staying with my other home girl and she got me. I got you is that WORD of a New Yorker, it’s everything its trust it means no matter what happens you are going to look out for that person. I trusted that word upon another woman. 

My best friend left and looked back and I can tell she didn’t want to leave me but when I’m stubborn I’m stubborn. The dude was older and kissed me and made me feel special. I was naïve and extremely vulnerable at that moment. The guy and his brother invited me and my homegirl and another random back to a club that he owned that was shut down. That was a red flag, looking back I shouldn’t have agreed but when temptation is in the air sometimes we are so blinded. 

We drove to the club, I vividly remember it being so huge and nothing I saw before. It was so dark and my vision began to blur because I could feel all the alcohol at once. While the men went to set up the hookah and get more alcohol, my friend looked at me and said girl my cousins outside I’m going to bring him in and she never come back. She NEVER came back. After minutes and minutes of calling her, she never answered me. She left me on do not disturb but little does she know my body was left the same way. When the brothers came back they brought me a drink. I had no clue what was in it. But I drank more because I was so heavily intoxicated. The whole room became shattered in my eyes.

But I did see the guy who liked me left to hook up with the random girl. I felt so hurt inside, I felt used and stupid I just wanted to leave. I couldn’t get up and I couldn’t even dial the number on my phone to reach someone. I just remember the brother pulling my arm so hard to the bathroom and forcing his way onto me. There were very vivid parts and others I could never remember but I knew I did not consent and I didn’t want to be there. I can’t tell you everything but I will say I felt a sharp pain and my body didn’t feel like mines. I don’t know how I made it out of the club. I lost my wallet I didn’t even know how I made it home. But I know I felt so disgusted with myself. To have let myself get so wasted and go back to a place I didn’t know. I thought of how disappointed my mother would be. 

It took me years to accept the rape. It took so much healing to forgive the man that assaulted me. I had the chance to report it but I didn’t, I just erased the number.  I was only 21, I had so many accomplishments so many goals and that night ruined it. My body is sacred, my body is my temple. And that man hurt me so bad. Touching my own beautiful skin was not the same. Showering was never the same. And there are times I still have nightmares of what that man did to me.

My goal is for you to understand your surroundings, limit your interactions with individuals you don’t know, and protect your body. But it wasn’t my fault but I do wish I made better decisions that night to avoid my rape. At 27, I want to be an advocate for you, I want to be your support system and I want you to get the help you need. It has taken over 6 years to break my silence but I did it. And you can too. You will heal because healing never stops but just know that rape is not okay and we won’t normalize it. We won’t. I won’t let it.

As hard as this may have been, this is a chapter and a closure I needed for myself and I hope you find yours too. Sexual trauma is real and it will show up if you don’t do the work to heal from it. It is my responsibility to overcome the pain I was put through because I deserve to heal. And if I didn’t do the healing I wouldn’t now know that sex is a beautiful thing and should be shared with someone who loves and respects you. And just because I was raped doesn’t mean everyone else will hurt me. Open up to your partner and let them know what you have been through. We are in this together, homegirl. 

One Comment Add yours

  1. henhouselady says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Rape still has a bad stigma attached to it. This makes it hard for victims to speak out about what happened. You are a young woman with so much courage. You’re a rock star.

    Like

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