By Jenay Wright – Step up to the plate, swing batter, batter swing. He strikes out and hits me with hell week. I knew it was coming as I saw him running to first base, and then second base, and third and then fourth base and that’s with every emotion hitting me at once. This is the only way to describe my feelings, pretty much all my life since I hit the age of fully growing into my hormones.
After so many years, of not having a therapeutic outlet finally being able to talk to someone who doesn’t think I’m over-emotional and emotionally unstable someone gets it. At 27, I was diagnosed with PMDD, something I didn’t know was a thing my whole life.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a much more severe form of premenstrual syndrome PMS. It causes shifts and disruption in moods. So think of PMS times two, I’m one rich emotional girl I’ll tell you.
PMDD causes severe irritability, depression, or anxiety a week or two before your period starts. My emotions feel like a seesaw and so feel my exact worst. An extreme and severe symptom is suicidal thoughts, It is something I often struggled with and sometimes still battle with to this day.
I won’t lie sometimes this shit feels lonely and feels like I’m excluded from the world. It made more sense learning what I had versus feeling like something was wrong with me all these years. PMDD plays a huge role in my relationship with others and the damage control is real.
It takes a very supportive person to really be my friend through these moments, and I don’t expect everyone to stick around because sometimes I don’t even want to for myself. I’m really coping and trying my best to navigate through life with this condition but sometimes it feels really dark.
I try my best to play hide and seek with how I’m feeling but sometimes it just reveals itself. People with PMDD often feel like people don’t understand their experience because it’s “just that time of the month” or “women are just emotional”, but PMDD is real and I want to spread awareness to others while also creating a safe space for women coexisting with it to feel heard.
The high intensity of anxiety and extreme sadness can really take a toll on your everyday life because it does with me during my hell week. It burns so bad. I really try to push myself to be productive and get out of the way I’m feeling but the truth is, I can’t.
There are outlets like antidepressants and forms of birth control that can help manage my PMDD, but I won’t lie I’ve often been in denial of how I’m feeling but after being evaluated and properly diagnosed I am ready to take the steps in feeling overall better and living somewhat of a normal life.
Being a friend to someone who has PMDD, requires patience and it’s not easy at all. Through my relationship with God, I’ve been able to really cope with this and understand I was diagnosed with this for a reason. I hope by to helping myself will also help others to take care of their physical and mental health.
If there is one thing I can tell anyone else struggling, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please do not throw in your towel, please do not give up on yourself. You deserve to be here and even when it feels like no one understands, there is someone who does. Turn your pain into power mama, and break that cycle.
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